On Tuesday, President Obama announced his plans to make Homestar Runner, that lovable armless marshmallow from internet cartoons, the United States’ new Energy Efficiency Czar.
As part of his jobs agenda, the President outlined the potential for energy efficiency improvements, like insulation and window retrofits, to put furloughed construction workers back to work. He emphasized the need to further incentivize upgrades that already make good financial sense.
“The American people don’t understand the current value of energy efficiency, so we’ve decided that instead of educating them, we’ll distract them with cartoon characters and throw buckets of debt-funded money at the problem,” he said at Tuesday’s press conference in Savannah.
The Homestar program, headed by Mr. Runner and borrowing his first name, will distribute billions of dollars to homeowners who do such outlandish things as air sealing their walls, upgrading windows, and adding extra insulation to the attic. The program will fund 50% of each improvement, up to $3,000 for some projects.
Proactive homeowners who have already done these things, referred to as “suckers” in the bill drafted by congress, are curiously referred to as “SOL” in the legislation. The meaning of the acronym could not be determined by press time.
When questioned about his role in the program, Homestar Runner commented, “Doodle doodle loot doot doot doot doodoo. Boodle oodle oot doot doo! And so forth.”
Current Press Secretary Strong Bad was asked for his opinion on homeowners who had ignored their home’s performance and air quality all these years.
He ranted, “Why you lazy crap for crap!”